“Couple Goals” The Dirty Secret Of Influencer Couples

Or have you ‘muted’ someone while telling yourself you have had enough of them, when really you are battling with feelings of resentment? Perhaps you haven’t, in which case you are a wholesome and admirable human being. For the rest of us, this is most likely quite a familiar experience!

Even if you have taken no action, I’d be willing to bet that many of us have experienced that sinking feeling of self-comparison after seeing yet another glossy, happy couple wrapped around each other on a sunny beach somewhere wonderful, as we sit in a collapsed heap on our couch at home in front of the television.  

It’s not that we resent these couples - it’s actually that we love what they have. Even if we are currently in a happy relationship, it can be jarring to see endless perfect played out on our smartphone screens as we scroll through the daily newsfeed. We have worked hard for the life we have, and it’s unsettling to see unreachable levels of insta-perfection all the time.

But is everything quite as it seems?

Of course, we are all aware that social media doesn’t always tell the full story. We know what editing apps can achieve within a few clicks, and we are collectively wise to the fact that everyone’s profiles are simply showreels of our very best moments. But despite all this, it can be hard not to fill in the gaps we don’t have information for with ideas of how perfect things must be beyond the images we see.

The thing is - that’s exactly it. We don’t have any further information. We really are grabbing at guesses and gathering ideas from thin air. We cannot possible know what is happening at the other end of the internet connection beyond what is directly shared with us on each online platform. We have no idea what else is happening. 

We all know those couples online who constantly post syrupy sweet captions to accompany beautifully edited black and white photos of them lying in bed laughing, or staring into each other’s eyes on a beach. Bear in mind that it either takes a timer or a spare set of hands to achieve these photos. So the moment is not the private image it seems. Timer photos are awkward to take at best, and irritating to achieve at worst! And having a professional photographer hanging over you both as you snuggle up isn’t quite as romantic as it might first appear.

This isn’t to say that these images of these snapshot-sexy images aren’t truthful at all, or that the two people within them aren’t ‘real’ in some way. Perhaps they aren’t, and it’s all a marketing ploy. But it would be nice to think that many partnerships are the real deal, if we were to stop and think this way. But why do you really need to? We have forgotten the fact that social media is basically unpublished glossy magazine content. Do you worry yourself over the tabloids on the news stand as you go to sleep at night? Didn’t think so.

Relationships are complex, messy, transforming creatures of natural change. No matter who you are or what type of relationship you are in, it never going to be a linear journey. This is part of the true beauty of being in love and choosing to spend most of your time with another person in unison with one another. Social media cannot - and will never - be able to depict the full spectrum of what the two people from one couples account go through on a daily basis. There will never be an app that can do that, no matter how fancy the editing tools become.

We have to remember that social media platforms make their money from advertising space. As do many of the insta-famous couples you might be lamenting over as you scroll down the screen of your smartphone each morning! Social media, at the very root, is a website that has been made into an easy to use application that is built for entertainment. It takes fragments of real life and creates photo based products for us to consume on our phone and laptops as we go about our day. No less, and certainly no more than that.

Keep this in mind as you log on to each and every app like Instagram and check out the latest dosage of #couplegoals

Let’s build a world where instead of comparing and lamenting, we build each other up. Let’s take the opportunity we have here to wish other couples the very best - whether they are ‘real’ or otherwise. It is not our place to judge or to try to tear someone down, and this should never be what we resort to no matter how we are feeling. If you are struggling with overwhelm from online consumption, then take some time out to work on how you’re feeling away from any triggers that might be making you feel worse. Take care of you. 

The very best advice you can follow here? Take your relationship at your own pace, and don’t let the flashlights of social media throw you off.

Slow and steady will take you where you want to go. Let go of the choke grip of comparison culture and fill the space it leaves behind with nurturing focus on what’s most important; your connection with your partner.